The Greatest relationship you will ever have is with yourself.

Over the past few months I have been truly dealing with personal struggles after sustaining loss of a piece of me and to say it has been a trying time is most definitely an understatement. There is most definitely a huge difference in not wanting to give a fuck and just not being able to give a fuck.  The past few months have continued to test me as a person in ways I haven’t been tested in quite some time or that I can even remember. Its only fair to say that we have that voice in our heads that we listen to, that tells use can’t do some thing that, that some thing is impossible or that we don’t have the skills to achieve something.  But I don’t believe in this kind of thinking simple not true.  This kind of thinking will keep you in neutral, instead of us moving forward.  We all have to believe in in our ability to accomplish them. Even in my situation since losing custody of my youngest daughter I have had most of my independence taken away and worst of all it has taken away from my older daughter that I have with me everyday.  My independence has been stripped and though I have faith that it will come back just the waiting or the trial and error, but when it comes to matters of the heart there is no such thing as safety first.

If we let it our suffering can break us wide open to the suffering of others.  Sometimes the heartbreak of others helps us find the cracks in our own patched together life.  Asserting that love truly does save, love is the only thing that redeems our lifes from self-centered purposelessness. One of my primary revelations has just been how much compassion for myself had been missing.  I discovered as I dug through the mud of my inner life-was a driven, perfectionist, judgmental and impatient girl who was trying her best to get as much distance from a much deeper pain.  Fairly demanding of others in subtle ways never truly realizing it, wanting to be right much of the time and wanting life to conform to my needs to feel safe and valued.  Part of my newly emerging self-compassion is to recognize that this is the human condition.  We want to feel secure and loved. We develop coping mechanisms that uniquely reflect our childhood conditioning and individual temperament.  We want the “rightness” of our point of view and the “necessity’ of our wants validated.
When someone loves us more than we love ourselves we tend to sabotage our relationship with them. The heart is meant to explode with the reminders of what now is my life it is only for the time being.