This is what I know about sacrifice.

I’ll give this and this is all that I’ve got.

1. This Is What I Know About Sacrifice

They say hindsight is 20/20. Unfortunately it breaks down when you don’t look at your actual past. Life is a series of choices. You wrecked it, it broke. It wasn’t meant to be. An soon and so on.

my story has been chiseled at and infiltrated by a pain i cannot describe without these words, words that radiate something that is luminous more credible and more durable than real facts. I missed out on childhood’s charisma. Stalled in a childhood I wanted to forget, but everyday I am thankful for truly understanding what it means to even be thankful. Some would call it learning to look at the glass half full, but even when it’s empty being grateful there is a glass at all and knowing I am always capable of refilling it under any circumstance. Whether it’s me Just being fortunate or maybe just blessed with a strong will. This is what I know about SACRIFICES. My most important achievement thus far is learning to love me, my imperfections and flaws motivate me and allow me to keep moving forward. Loving me also showed me how to love another and value their love along side my two beautiful girls. Thankful everyday I finally have someone to help carry the load and pick the pieces, even at times when I’m unable or need to regroup because life, especially my life is about constant SACRIFICES, In a world that never stops. It is something I’ve struggled with all on my own for much of it, I had no concept of what healthy boundaries even were and their importance. And as an adult enduring what seemed like an eternity, an ABUSIVE, VIOLENTLY CONTROLLING MAN. Making Everything in life seem to just be passing me by with this daily reminder with even all I possess I cannot endure this forever! It’s next to impossible to see ourselves as others see us. The tides in my life have run against me for which seemed like an eternity and in my deep, dark hours, what a miserable mess right? So my problems are your problems, of course not! Everyday I felt and still feel the thorns and bruises of life, sometimes I wonder have I been cheated? In beauty, charm, and brains? Should I dwell on the things I lack, and become even more miserable inside? Should I let this war between good and evil overcome me. While living my life is an every day struggle, full of twists and turns. And there it hit me I don’t care if I let you down anymore. Tell me what makes it matter. I’m done running and chasing, it’s not too late to change. Even on the edge of goodbye. Mothers love their daughters and I’m a mother, learning to be the best I can at the toughest role I’ve ever known. It is lonely, scary and thankless a lot of the time, but love is such a powerful and rewarding thing. Unconditional love is like wide open eyes that take the good with the bad.
On top of all that I’ve lost, I have not lost that my daughters, being a mother. This is what I know about sacrifice!

AMANDA

Who are you?

I personally can not live a lie,I learned that lesson. I’m a talker, a people person, I talk alot! So living a lie requires telling them, keeping up with them as if they were true almost if not completely out of constant telling yourself an others, making it a habit, eventually it’s instilled in your brain. Well I have a conscious I guess an a natural need or want for me to be liked disliked, tolerated, acknowledge even ignored! An the me being the real me! I am ok if no one speaks to me. That won’t dictate me, there is always someone that likes an will be my friend, I talk to much for there not to be. Not everyone likes me or will but living a lie for a constant need of instant gratification?!!!!! That’s all I can come up with. A need for Instant gratification is a sure way straight to constant failure! And everyday these people exist. I’m not doctor therapist or whatever but those people are hazards to my health an anyone else if they are smart. Most do it to be or are the center of attention of others. But the crowds always fade an the attention disappears so your true self sneaks back up on you an before you know has knocked the fake sled out an lets you know who is in control an back in business, that’s my ex. If the world called a real you an a fake you then nobody would have to personally create another self bc it would already exist. We would walk around introducing ourselves “hi my name is mandi, an hi my name is mandi too my real self a my fact self at your service what can we do for you?” Now doesn’t that sound ridiculous? Like too much for one person to have to bother with? Um on well then I’m not crazy after all. One person one self! All others that believe otherwise well they an themselves are the ones that need to be helped.